35 at 35: Lessons Learned from the Year of DISCERNMENT

I have a lot to be grateful for today. The sun’s shining, I’m breathing, and I woke up to hundreds of messages from for dear friends and family all over the world wishing me a happy birthday and a delicious piece of vegan chocolate cake my mama had delivered here yesterday. I can now count a pair of ducks as housemates and I have plans to spend the rest of my weekend in Palm Springs hanging with friends and horses at a polo thing and looking at some art installations in the desert. What more can a girl ask for?!

To be honest, I do have one thing to ask… of myself and later of you. We’ll get to that in a second though… Before we do, let’s talk about what it was like to be 34 in the world of Green.

My theme for my 34th year was discernment. True to that I did my best to intentionally focus my attention on trying to figure out if my energy was being allocated to the things/people/places that most helped me grow. I got curious and I explored. I lived alone in the woods of Virginia, I road tripped across the US solo, I Supershe’d in Finland, went to my fourth burn, fell in love, moved to Venice, traveled with my family, sat in ceremony, and went on a blind first date to Bora Bora. I climbed trees, befriended a canvas or two, met many incredible people and met myself in many new ways… I met a me who is unabashedly feminine, the me who likes making everything beautiful as well as useful. The me who enjoys twirling in a dress and getting her hair done just because…

I was re-introduced to the aspect of myself that communicates love through food, I sang my guts out in front of strangers on the street, I cried and cleared for all the women in my ancestral female bloodline, and I learned to hold others without taking on their pain. I in turn allowed myself to be held and fully seen in moments of darkness and vulnerability and I allowed myself to really fall apart when I needed to… I carefully curated my inner circle with love and attention and I learned that British baking shows make for great television.

It was the most colorful, dynamic, fertile, and beautiful year of my life yet!

It is because of that that I feel like sharing some of my experience with you in hopes that it may be useful to you on your own path. So in honor of my stepping into my 35th year I came up with 35 lessons or observations to share so indulge me will ya? Take a peak below and let me know if anything resonates. I would love to hear your thoughts.

-35 at 35-

  1. Nature is wise. Nature doesn’t force anything. Be like nature.

  2. Anger isn’t the enemy, contempt is. We probably all have a reason to be angry about something. Angry at ourselves and at each other. That’s ok. What’s not ok is dehumanizing ourselves or the people we are angry at to deal with our supercharged emotions.

  3. Want to live a magical life? Start by allowing yourself to believe it is possible.

  4. Your inner critic is as sophisticated as you are… and it may pose as a rational, well thought out idea to convince you why playing small is the better option.

  5. There is never righteousness in the weaponization of pain. Ever.

  6. Yes, you are attracted to your friends. That’s why they are your friends in the first place. We need to stop being so binary in our thinking and realize we can hang out and appreciate it without having to constantly ‘fight the urge’ to sleep with it. Let’s evolve shall we?

  7. Don’t be a drama llama or a lurky turkey. Keep it simple and stay in your lane homie. Ride’s smoother and more enjoyable that way.

  8. Embrace the feminine. It’s her time and she will no longer be ignored.

  9. You can’t win someone’s respect by fighting them for it. Focus instead on making your actions respectable by your code. How other people interpret them is none of your business.

  10. Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Sometimes one has to choose.

  11. Forgiveness is important but forgiveness also implies a narrative you’ve decided to adopt about the particular person or circumstance in question. If you’re being truly objective, are you even in the position to ‘bestow’ forgiveness in the first place? Chances are at the deepest level whatever it is that happened isn’t personal. What if it didn’t happen to you but for you? ;)

  12. We don’t need to be smarter, we need to be more human.

  13. You can’t keep blaming your parents forever. If you’re conscious of your programing yet keep hopping on the same hamster wheel of bullshit it’s time change the conversation. You can’t change the past. You can, however, assume accountability over your future. Real change comes from personal responsibility and it’s time to get on the bus Gus.

  14. If you asked for a sign and received it… Don’t ignore it you dummy.

  15. Wanna be happy? Hang out with kids and old people. Why? Kids are masters of the art of being present. Old people on the other hand are masters of the art of the big picture and not sweating the small stuff.

  16. Stop trying to ‘fix’ people. The only reason you can even identify what needs ‘fixing’ is because you have a point of reference of that very same thing in your field. Humble yourself. We’re all trying our best to figure this whole life thing out.

  17. Trust is the main ingredient of flow.

  18. When you give people the benefit of the doubt, it paves the way for a different type of relationship… a fertile ground for both of you to grow. For them to rise to the occasion and for you to practice trusting.

  19. Sarcasm is oftentimes a tool to mask pain.

  20. Occasional disobedience is good for the soul. We came to this earth to play. We forget that too often.

  21. Pleasure is not a dirty word. Ladies, this one’s dedicated to us…

  22. Want to never have bad sex again? Practice emotional intimacy prior to getting in the sack with anyone. The path to emotional intimacy rarely starts with physical intimacy.

  23. To feel free, you must relinquish your need to control things. At the end of the day my friend, nothing is under your control other than how you allow yourself to perceive things so losen your grip will ya? It’s air that you’re grasping anyway. ;)

  24. Your ego can be your amigo…. Just make sure your sense of self is a good person.

  25. Time is not a measure of love or depth of emotion.

  26. Stop asking lost people for directions to your next destination. Everything you really need to know, you already do. All you have to do is learn to listen… to yourself.

  27. Jealous? Good. Time to look under the hood. What are you wanting that you don’t have or what are you not giving yourself permission to explore/own about yourself?

  28. It is easy to confuse controlling behavior for love or care. How do you know which is which? You ask yourself whether what you’re being presented with respects your sovereignty. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t have room in your life.

  29. Worry = problem worship.

  30. Doing is a by-product of being. A guru once told me that it’s wiser to ask who you want to be prior to asking what you should be doing. He was right.

  31. Purpose is not an external thing. It is a quality of our consciousness. We need to stop chasing it and start infusing it into everything we do.

  32. Humility is the language of the soul.

  33. Honesty is subversive in a world dominated by ego and identity politics so we can be revolutionaries by simply standing in our truth… Our truth is that we’re human. All we need to do is remember this more often.

  34. The relationships in your life bring you the opportunity to find a deeper relationship to your own true purpose. Treasure them as such.

  35. If you haven’t taken the opportunity to befriend your parents, please do so immediately. They must be pretty wonderful if they were able to make you. ;)

That’s it y’all! The list was longer but this is definitely the highlight reel as far as I’m concerned. So what’s next you may be wondering? Well, the word I’ve chosen for 35 is COLLABORATION. I’ll let you know how that goes. ;)